Beyond the Book with Dr. Hambrick: “Transformative Friendships”

Author, Brad Hambrick, assistant professor of biblical counseling at Southeastern Seminary, shares insights into building lasting friendships, drawing from Scripture and his longtime experience as a counselor. In the following Q&A, Hambrick takes time to answer a few questions about this new book:

What is the book about, and who is the target audience?

The audience for this book is simple and straightforward — people who want better friendships. Whether you are a new Christian, have been a believer for decades, just moved to a new city and are connecting with new people, or have lived in the same community your whole life, I hope “Transformative Friendships” equips you to develop deeper friendships that have a greater impact on your walk with Christ.

I hope “Transformative Friendships” equips you to develop deeper friendships that have a greater impact on your walk with Christ.

What motivated you to write the book?

Our current cultural moment is one where loneliness is a standout feature in people’s lives. A myriad of factors contribute to our relationships being shallow and relatively superficial. Even when we interact with a large number of people at work, school, or church we often struggle to develop the kind of friendships that counter the refrain of Genesis 2, “It is not good for man to be alone.” I wrote “Transformative Friendships” to provide some simple questions and easily implementable skills to help resolve this dilemma.

The subtitle mentions seven questions. What are these seven questions, and how are they used in the book?

The seven questions are: What’s your story? What’s good? What’s hard? What’s bad? What’s fun? What’s stuck? and What’s next? Each question is meant to be short, approachable, and easy to remember.

For each question, I do three things. First, I explain why that question is important to a meaningful friendship. Second, I provide five levels of depth at which friends can engage that question. Third, I provide a “summative exercise” that is a simple habit friends can use to ingrain this question in the rhythms of their friendship.

The entire book is only 160 pages but has 35 chapters, so each section moves quickly. My hope is that readers learn to appreciate each friendship for the value it brings to their life, regardless of that friendship’s depth. I also hope that readers find these seven simple questions will help to deepen their friendships.

As the third volume in the Church-Based Counseling series, how does this book relate to the first two books in the series (“Mobilizing Church-Based Counseling” and “Facilitating Counseling Groups”)?

The CBC series is meant to help churches understand how to create counseling ministries that fit well in a local church. Too often, when church leaders think about counseling ministries, they think about mimicking a pseudo-professional model (i.e., intake forms, case notes, individual treatment plans, etc.). That’s intimidating and often not sustainable or liability wise for a church. The CBC series is meant to help churches identify other options that exist.

“Transformative Friendships” is an essential part of the series. Too often, when a church starts a counseling ministry, it inadvertently squelches the quality of the one-another ministry in that church. If someone cries or is going through a hard season, the default is to recommend counseling. But having a counseling ministry should not have this impact if the church is going to be “the family of God” (Eph. 2:19-22).

What factors most commonly keep people from experiencing deep connection with others or lead to superficial friendships?

There are many factors. People move frequently. Every time we move, we start from scratch, building friendships in a new community. Connecting via social media has cheapened what it means to be friends and allowed people to polish their lives as they find the perfect filter and narrate their experiences in overly idealistic ways. The isolation of COVID-19 led to an atrophy in our social skills. Add to this all the insecurities, FOMO, imposter syndrome, and things of this nature that cause us to fear being known. Multiply that by our too busy schedules where we’re perpetually trying to squeeze 30-minute conversations into 3-minute windows. It doesn’t take long to realize we need a plan to be more intentional about cultivating friendships because they won’t “just happen” simply by being around people.

We need a plan to be more intentional about cultivating friendships because they won’t “just happen” simply by being around people.

What does Scripture teach us about God’s intention for friendships, and how can Christians develop new rhythms, habits, and lifestyles to foster deeper relationships?

Maybe the clearest picture of friendship in the Bible is the “one-another commands” of the New Testament. Depending on your preferred translation, there are 30-40 of these in the New Testament. These capture how God wants his people to care for and relate to one another. In many ways, “Transformative Friendships” is merely a pleasant action plan for making these commands a reality in your friendships.

How does this book help readers to better serve the Church and fulfill the Great Commission?

Relationships are the opportunity for influence. The deeper our friendship, the more influence we have in each other’s lives. This is true whether we are relating to a fellow believer or non-Christian. “Transformative Friendships” gives you the tools to develop deeper relationships. As we do this, the influence we have in the lives of others — whether for discipleship or evangelism — will necessarily increase.

How has writing this book shaped you spiritually?

It was a pleasant reminder that the most significant and rewarding things in life aren’t complicated. There are plenty of things in life that we might look at and think, “That would be good, but it’s too hard for me.” Friendship isn’t one of those things. In many ways, the highest compliment someone could give to “Transformative Friendships” is “That was a delightfully simple book. I could totally see myself doing those kinds of things and my life being better because I did.”