Beyond the Book with Dr. Kristin Kellen: “Counseling Teens”

At Southeastern, Kellen serves as associate professor of biblical counseling and director of EdD studies. In the following Q&A, Kellen shares how she hopes readers will benefit from this new resource.

What motivated you to write “Counseling Teens”?

Primarily, I kept getting asked by people if there was a good resource for counseling teens. Many knew that I had written “Counseling Women,” and were interested in something similar for teenagers. Each time someone asked, though, I had to say, “Well, sort of, but they’re a little dated.” I didn’t feel good about that. I approached my publisher for “Counseling Women” to make the suggestion that someone write a book on counseling teens, and they very quickly asked me to do it. And here we are.

What is the purpose of this book, and who is its target audience?

The purpose of the book is to equip counselors — lay and professional — with the basic framework and tools to walk alongside young people in their struggles. It is not meant to be comprehensive; it’s meant to be a launching pad to get someone started. It was also written in such a way that it could be read by pastors, parents, and other helpers, so it’s intentionally not written at a high academic level.

How does this book uniquely situate itself in the conversation around counseling teenagers?

There isn’t much of a conversation around counseling teens, sadly, which is part of why this is an introductory text. There are a lot of parenting books, a lot of discipleship books, and a lot of “grown-up” counseling books, but very little from a biblical perspective about counseling teens. I’m really hopeful this starts more conversations.

What are some of the greatest challenges that parents and counselors face when counseling teens, and how does this book address them?

This answer may surprise you, but I think a lot of parents and helpers don’t realize how much they presume that their teen’s experience is like their own. All adults have been teenagers, so it’s easy for an adult to think something like “Well, I came through it okay, they will too,” or “It’s really not that big of a deal, I had it worse and I turned out fine.” So much is different today. Yes, there is nothing new under the sun, but in many ways, the struggles that our teens face today are uniquely situated in a very different cultural and social context. We have to be very careful not to make assumptions when approaching young people, as if we fully understand before we ever listen.

How do the counseling needs for teenagers differ from counseling for children or young adults?

Teens are at a really interesting place developmentally. Children are children; they look like children, they think like children, and they relate like children. And young adults are just that: adults. They look like adults, and generally speaking, they think and relate like adults. But teens are in this weird middle space. They may look grown up, but they’re still really new at things like abstract thought, romantic relationships, or personal responsibility and autonomy. A lack of life experience alone makes that more difficult, but then add in things like starting to drive, starting to date, and probably starting to be really active on social media, and those challenges just start to compound. Counselors, then, have to be very aware of these developmental and contextual realities, not presuming that they are children, but also not presuming that they’re adults, either.

What are some common misconceptions that adults have when approaching this topic and need?

I’ll give a historic one: “If we just parent better, our kids will turn out okay.” I say this as a parent of four children, who knows all too well that I can do “my best,” but they’re still sinners who need a Savior. They need direct help too, and I as a parent can’t be all the help they have. It really does take a village — the community of God — and the presence of God to work in our teens.

A second one that comes to mind is that all mental health struggles rise to the level of needing a formal counselor or therapist. When parents hear of their child’s mental health difficulties, a knee-jerk reaction is to immediately take them to someone who has been trained. I want to say this carefully, but I’m not convinced that’s necessary, and I’m the counselor! The Lord has equipped parents and the local church with a multitude of resources, so sometimes, the greatest need is discerning the actual issue at hand, the severity, and then what resources are immediately available to help that teenager. There are probably more available than we think, and my hope is that books like “Counseling Teens” are an initial step in helping with that discernment.

How has God particularly challenged or encouraged you throughout the process of writing this book?

I mentioned above that my husband, Josh, and I have four kids at home. At the time of writing this, none of them are yet teenagers. There were many times while writing this book that I thought, “Gosh, this would be so much better if I were writing it a decade from now.” And maybe it would be. But the Lord reminds me often that he has brought me to where I am, he has brought every counselee to me purposefully, and he has granted me the wisdom I’ve needed to help. And sometimes, I’m convinced that he has heard my prayers that a counselee would forget poor counsel that I’ve given, and he brings that to pass. On my own, I am incapable of doing the work he’s called me to, but every day, he shows up. And he works. I’m grateful to get a front-row seat.